WEBVTT

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前女友

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我有一个交往过五年的女友

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五年的岁月

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现在想来，说长不长，说短不短

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在我们交往的第四年出头

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她开始谈到结婚

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我们刚在一起时

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我就说过将来要和她结婚

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我也总认为我们迟早会结婚

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可是

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我当时刚从大学毕业

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属于新闻上的“就业难”人员

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我自身的未来尚且无着

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又怎能和人结婚呢

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她提过她也会赚钱养家的

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而我逞男人意气

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在我有信心独自养育我们未来的小孩之前

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不打算结婚

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我希望她也能理解我

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劝了她一次又一次

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可我们的意见总是相左

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“我爱你，想和你结婚”

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“我想保护你，请等等我”

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讽刺的是，这成了我们分手的原因

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曾互诉衷肠的嘴里

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最后吐出的却是粗鄙的辱骂

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而自她放言再也不想见到我之后

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我俩的关系结束了

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分手后过了大概半年

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我接到了她的电话

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“想重来”

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“我忘不掉”

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“我爱你”

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她一边哭一边向我倾诉

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不过

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也许您会认为我绝情

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但我因为最后一次的大吵大闹，已经彻底心凉了

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告诉她无意复合之后，我挂了电话

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三天后

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我又接到了电话

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她这回说的是想见我

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她是觉得只要见面聊过，我俩就会复合吧

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我这人优柔寡断、随波逐流

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交往时就一直让她来做决定

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她是清楚我这性格

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才邀我见面的 

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而我当然是拒绝了

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下一通电话打来时，是在两天后

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都第三次了

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我开始烦了

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连来电显示都不想看

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就把手机塞进了靠垫底下，假装自己不在

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手机和设置好的一样，响了二十声就挂掉了

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可紧接着又响起来

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挂了又响挂了又响挂了又响

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我忍无可忍，终于决心接电话

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看向手机屏幕

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上面显示有三十多通未接来电

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做到这种地步，我只能当她在故意恶心人

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我按下接听键，正打算说她一顿

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“你怎么不接电话啊？”

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就听见了她穿透屏幕的哀嚎

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说来惭愧

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我一听她说话，怒火就被浇灭

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我当时只有一个念头，那就是让她消气

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我想到一个借口，脱口而出

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“我出门忘带手机了，刚到家”

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又尽量温柔地问她怎么了

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对面传来压抑的呜呜声

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我本以为她在哭

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但她没有

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她哈哈大笑起来

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“从你那边看得到自动售货机对吧”

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“现在也看得到吗？”

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我家外数十米处有一架自动售货机

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我不知道她想说什么，疑惑地望出去

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手机从我手上滑落下去

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我看见她面目狰狞地边哭边笑

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在我们交往的五年时光里

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我一次也没见过她这种可怕的表情

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不如说，我要是见过哪怕一次

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恐怕都会吓得即刻决定和她分手

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那天晚上我吓得一点也睡不着

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而当清晨的太阳照进屋子里时

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我感觉自己得救了

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大概是清爽的空气和明亮的阳光给了我这种感觉

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我微微拉开窗帘，看向窗外的自动贩卖机

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她已经不在那了

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我放下心来，猛地拉开了窗帘

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在窗户的正对面

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她背靠巷子里的电线杆蹲坐在地上，仰头看着窗子

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她正盯着我笑

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早、上、好

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她作出像在问好的口型

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我又和拉开窗帘时一样猛地拉上了窗帘

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这下麻烦了

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我止不住地叹气

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我避开她的注意，悄悄看向窗外

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她还是蹲坐着

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仰头看着这边

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幸好我家里囤了够吃大概一周的粮食

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她也不可能不吃不喝也不上厕所

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就这么一直待着吧

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我计划趁她不注意溜出家门，暂且辗转住在朋友家里

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于是收拾好了行李

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但是，她没有动

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说不定

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她正好在我没偷看时就解决完生理需求了

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每当我向外看时，她都一直待在那里

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第四天晚上

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我没有看到她

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我乐呵呵地打算出家门

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看向了门口

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接着感到背脊一阵发凉

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门上的信箱以一个奇怪的角度打开了

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万幸的是，这个信箱口窄到只够塞报纸进来

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要是那种能九十度打开的信箱

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我刚才就会在那里——

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看到她的眼睛吧

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我看见她的手指在扭动，想把信箱开得更大一些

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“喂、让我进去吧我们聊聊吧” 

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“我们以前不是那么相爱吗”

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“再和我谈一谈吧”

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这时浮现在我脑海中的

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不是我看了许多年的笑容

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而是前些天她那可怖的神情

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我拿被子从头到脚蒙住自己

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十分没出息地抖成了筛糠

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尽管如此，我还是在不知不觉中睡着了

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我战战兢兢地从被子里探出头

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不声不响地察看门口的情况

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信箱上——

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悬挂着数道红色的线

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喀哒

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铁皮信箱开了一道缝

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有东西被扔进来了

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红线又多了一道

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我在认出那东西的瞬间，就报了警

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那是肉片

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她想要把自己变小了

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好钻进我家里

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不久后，家门外变得嘈杂起来

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我听到了男人大呼救护车的声音

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可能外面是听到了警笛声，吵闹了起来吧

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过了一会，我听到男人的叫门声，打开了门

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我其实根本不想开门

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但男人应该是警察，我只好开门

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我家的门也好、地板也好，都是一片血红

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我没有看到她

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她好像已经上了救护车

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警方照顾到我的心情，没有让我见到她

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听说发现她时，她正在——

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撕咬自己的手指

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我立刻搬了家

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我特意选了这么一个新住处

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这里的报纸、邮寄物品都会存放在楼房入口处的邮箱里

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刚搬家时

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我一开窗就会出冷汗

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那场事件之后过了数月

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我听闻她——自杀了

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我如蒙大赦

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我是觉得很抱歉，但我更觉得安心

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不知何时起，我的心情也平静下来

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不久后新交了一位女友

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就是从这时候开始

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喀哒、扑通、喀哒

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我开始听到这种没有规律的响声

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声音是从玄关的门那里传来的

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喀哒、扑通、喀哒

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就算我搬到别的地方，这声音也还是跟着我

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我变得疑神疑鬼

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和女友分手了

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然后，声音停了

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时光流逝

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我开始觉得那声音是我的错觉

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又和别的女性开始了交往

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可是，我每交往一个女友都会听到那声音

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喀哒、扑通、喀哒

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我现在是一个人

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结婚大概是一辈子都做不到了吧

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不，准确地说 

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我一辈子——都做不到一个人了

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因为她就在我门前——

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不断地将自己变小